A River Between

I’ve been contemplating a concept lately with regard to learning lately.  This one’s really been wrangling in me.

How do we show those disappointments and times of loss in life as profound learning experiences?

My partner and I have moved around quite a bit over the last 4 years.  Three cities and four addresses in four years is quite a lot!  And, we’re starting to plan to pick up once again and go back to living in the Twin Cities.  Through all of it I think that we’re still optimists - but we’ve definitely been through some jarring, yet valuable learning experiences.

I struggle sometimes with how to place these learning phases and shifts into the whole of life.  I’ve helped start wonderful ventures, and often times I would find the dynamics changing before my eyes.  Too many factors get under my skin, and I learn that I have to move on, rather than feeling abused, used, or marginalized.  The world can be a rough scary place.  Sometimes I feel a nomad, trying to find the “home” in an ever zigzagging path.

I think of folks too who leave jobs - leave homes - leave relationships, and then have to explain the new contexts of things and people reorganized in their life.  It seems that our culture likes concepts and characteristics that they can hold onto, and explaining our departures and awakeningsfrom dark times can lead to glassy-eyed stares.  If only these changes didn’t come with loss and disappointment, maybe others would help us celebrate our forward momentum.

I wonder at times if our disappointments stem from the reflections of the shadows of culture.  We’ve learned that:

• Working at a Co-op doesn’t mean you’ll receive a living wage
• Living in a community will not protect you from heartbreaking conflict and eventual separation
• Designing your own curriculum in graduate school doesn’t detach you from the institutional machine
• Embracing a car-free life makes you long for the amenities of a sustainable city
• Jobs are just Jobs - they aren’t your life
• Other people won’t praise you for your changes - as it can bring about feelings of fear in their own lives.
• Sooner or later, you realize that anyone and anything has the potential to disappoint you

I’ve walked out of and walked away from a lot of things over the past four years.  I’ve quit things I’ve started.  I’ve moved to different towns.  I left graduate school before finishing.  I left a home I bought and took a short sale.  I got rid of my car.  I left an intentional community after feeling manipulated and used (ok.. feeling hurt..)

I don’t know how to put these “leavings” and “walking outs” on a resumé, or in a portfolio.  At times I wonder if I’m still living some of the potential realities that could have happened as well - churning the scenarios in my mind, asking questions, dreaming about how things might have “turned out better” if I’d done something differently.

These questions are big.  Profound.  Heart-wrenching.  I guess I know that if anything, there is profound learning happening.  Very Profound.

And on we go to the next learning experience…

Here’s another example of how the United States’ public education system can be highly politicized and taken over by interests other than real education and learning.

After three days of turbulent meetings, the Texas Board of Education on Friday approved a social studies curriculum that will put a conservative stamp on history and economics textbooks, stressing the superiority of American capitalism, questioning the Founding Fathers’ commitment to a purely secular government and presenting Republican political philosophies in a more positive light.

Read the entire article at The Guardian.

I remember growing up hearing all about the ills of Soviet Russia in the media (and in school). Propaganda, Pravda (a newspaper meaning “truth”), Mother Russia, etc. As children we all ate up the notion that “The United States is better” because we were free, we had the right to truthful education, etc. This was yet another lie my school told me. Now in Texas, students only get a one-sided truth now too.

What an amazing journey it’s been since moving.

I realize now that it has been four months since posting.  I assure you all, that many many great things have begun to unfold since my last posting.  It feels like life is being rebuilt for me.  Many things falling away, and new opportunities coming in.  I know that a summary of things won’t touch on the details of the past four months, but here goes what’s been happening:

• I’m letting go of a lot of pain, hurt, and anger from our prior living situation, and I’m learning that people only hold power over you emotionally when you give your power over to them.  I’m thankful for the experience of living with Loaves and Fishes - and I’m equally thankful that we chose to leave.
• In February, it will be ONE YEAR of being CAR-FREE!!  While this has been both a struggle and a joy, I feel like the notion settled within me about two months ago that I was REALLY living it, and that I enjoyed not owning a vehicle!  The holidays were difficult - not having the option to drive long distances to see family.  But, I feel more strong - more authentic, and more FREE without owning a car, and I feel within my heart that my family understands this.. maybe a little.
• I learned that in my work, I need autonomy and individuality.  I need to honor my own process and hold my own focus more and more as I continue to be self-employed (it will be FOUR YEARS in February!).
• I’m now involved in a community theatre show at the Duluth Playhouse, and am in rehearsal for The Secret Garden.  I play Captain Albert Lennox, the main character’s father.  I die of cholera in India early in the show, then come back in the company of “ghosts” and “dreamers” to sing and portray Mary Lennox’s unconscious hopes, joys, and fears.  It’s a beautiful show.  The last time I had a role in a community theatre production was 18 years ago!
• My web business has taken off!  I’m finding myself incredibly busy now - still even without advertising, as my referrals keep coming in.  I’m finding myself growing as an artist and web developer.
• I have taught 3 Reiki classes, and one of them filled almost completely.  Much of this success propelled me into creating a new site called NorthernDruid.net - However, with the show and my workload increasing, I’m putting development for this site on hold for a tiny bit of time.

Four months can bring a lot of changes!  It’s brought hope and joy back to my life!

What have you learned in the last four months??

Michael and I are moving next week into a new place here in Duluth.  We found a really great-cozy-2-bedroom apartment on the west side of Duluth, nearer to his job (a 5-minute walk!).  If you would have asked us a few months ago, we never would have expected to move this soon, but a lot has happened this past year, and this place just “showed up” one day, and we seemed destined to move in!

Our stint as volunteers with the Catholic Worker community here came to an end about a month ago, due to a lot of interpersonal conflicts, as well as the standard burn-out, over-extending, and often times feeling overwhelmed, used, abused, etc.  I think that a lot of times, when people dedicate their lives to serving others they can forget to feed their own needs or the needs of the community around them.  I’m not sure that everyone can sustain the lifestyle of hospitality for a long period of time without feeling a little “banged-up” or bruised.  I’m hoping that after some time has passed that I won’t still feel that way, and I can embrace all the joys of this time, without dwelling for a single moment on any of the strife.

But… the next chapters of our lives await now, and we’re feeling both excited and blessed.  I’m embarking on some wonderful new directions in my web business, as well as in my healing offerings.  It really just feels like a time to “dig deeper” for me, and begin using all of my talents and experience more freely, broadly, and creatively.  I’ll certainly have less distractions now, or at least different ones.

Many thanks to everyone who has wished us well in this new phase of our lives!  Peace to you all!

-Scott

I’ll admit that I’ve been an avid reader of Adam Walker Cleaveland’s blog, Pomomusings, for some time. Adam is a Presbyterian Youth Minister in California, who is part of the new “emergent church” or “postmodern” church movement – which seeks a broader view of Christianity and religion. Adam and other “pomos” seek to bridge differences, and seek a more inclusive and uniting force through theology.

Now, I really like reading Adam’s blog, and Adam’s a really likable guy, but I wonder what he might think of my ideas. He’s had many guests talk about “Plurality 2.0” in the church. But, in reading what he and others have to say, I’ve been compelled to think of my own ideas concerning plurality in religion and faith. I’ll call my ideas “Plurality 3.0” just to keep the version history theme going.

First, a little more about me from a spiritual standpoint.

I grew up in the Presbyterian Church, went to confirmation classes, sang in the choir, sang solos at every holiday or special service, and even went to a nice small Presbyterian college in Iowa to get my Bachelor of Music degree. After all of that – my spiritual journey started bursting out all over.

I came out as a gay man at 23 while in graduate school, became co-moderator for my campus Gay and Lesbian student organization, and hopped from denomination to denomination – finding lots of variances in “welcoming congregations” for Gays and Lesbians. Now, at 40, I live in Duluth, MN where I’ve found myself happily involved with my local Unitarian Universalist Congregation, and I’m also exploring parts of a newfound English/Irish heritage, Celtic Mysticism, Druidry, and “Radical Christianity” for lack of a better term.

I also live in a house owned by the Loaves and Fishes Catholic Worker Community. We provide hospitality and meals to people who might otherwise be homeless, live simply, and share our lives with marginalized folks, and one another.

So… “plurality”.. hmm..

As a Radcal-Catholic-Worker-Unitarian-Gay-Druid without any theological credentials, I hope that I can speak as a lay-person about this concept of Plurality in religion or postmodern Christianity, at least from my own personal experience.

So, based on my own experience and ideas that have been brewing, I wonder if a “Plurality 3.0” might someday emerge. Here are some of my critical questions and thoughts.

• Is there, or can there be room within this paradigm for others whom the word or concept of Christianity, as a descriptor for individual faith or belief, might be too constraining? Within this plurality, can there be the opportunity to see religious identity as a fluid or ever changing and developing path? Can we be Christian or Buddhist or a Druid all at the same time? Do we have the freedom to hop between? Can this fluidity be embraced as “sacred” or even an embodiment of God?
• Can we come to know God – or “the Divine” even in ways that brush against the boundaries of Christian comfort zones? In trees, nature, the earth, our breath? Could we even begin to see God as the logical outcome and manifestation of our shared creativity and humanity? Could our very consciousness itself be seen as our gateway to, or even the unifier with – all that is holy, divine, or God?
• Can we objectively look to our past to understand religion’s role as a tool for oppression and the serving of “empires”? Can we also look to deep and faithful Christian roots as a heritage to be honored, even if we step away into “the myst” of our own spiritual path outside this faith? (This idea came to me especially after hearing a sermon at my Unitarian Church on Easter Sunday about “Why can’t this Jesus guy just go away?”)
• Can we all be “the leaders we’ve been waiting for” - as David Korten expresses in his book, The Great Turning – from Empire to Earth Community? Can we critically examine even our own deeply specialized credentialing models within “the church” - and embrace the lay person as ultimate leader? Better yet – what about those who step down from the pulpit, reject degrees or Masters of Divinity, who simply choose to follow Jesus? Can the extension of plurality also come in the form of multiple paths of education, training, or experience for church leaders, pastors, or future governance itself? Will we be willing in a “Plurality 3.0 system” to step back and critically examine our structures – those that serve us, and those that do not? How will we deal with those structures which no longer serve us?

I have to say, that many of these questions and ideas have come up for me since attending Unitarian services. It’s my guess that many folks who feel that they are “survivors” or “victims” of oppressive faith traditions tend to gravitate toward the Unitarian Universalist Church. We grapple with this kind of plurality all the time (well, most of it – I think that even UU pastors need to go to Christian seminaries before ordination). At the same time, I think we’re only scratching the surface of what plurality can mean in progressive religion.

But, I do like the way this notion of plurality is manifesting right now, even in some mainline Christian churches it seems. Judging from Adam’s long list of guest pastors and religious leaders (many of whom are in their 20s) who blog about Plurality 2.0 – I’d say things are right on track for a possible “3.0” future.

Or – maybe it’s all very simple. Maybe all we need to do to embrace plurality within religion is to do what our pastor at the UU in Duluth says every Sunday.

Our vision guides us to be a beacon for progressive religion in our community.
To Grow Spiritually.
To Support and Love one another.
To Love and Honor the Earth.
To Work for Peace and Justice.
And to Change the World!

I was sitting in Amazing Grace Coffeehouse in Duluth last week, when my friend Áine emailed a link to me of a British singer.  Susan Boyle was an auditioner on the television show, Britain’s Got Talent.  She’s 47, unemployed, never married, and lives with her cat, Pebbles.

Everyone was cynical, and seemingly against her when she claimed that she wanted to be as successful as Elaine Page.  But then she began to sing - and as she wowed the audience to their feet, it was all I could do to hold back my own tears just watching her.  This beautiful woman, who against all odds, showed the world that you must never judge a book by it’s cover, and that we should all be so bold as to go after our dreams - no matter how young or old we are.

Her Youtube video(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY) has reached near 40,000,000 views as of my writing this, and I’m sure these numbers will continue to rise.  So many people had the same reaction I did.  This very common woman shook our foundations and shattered the walls of loss, loneliness, and isolation that are felt by all of us at some point in our lives - and some of us, even nearly all our lives.

What a gift to hear her sing this song, and to share her presence - her very authentic presence.

I think of people I know who have dreams - oh heck, even me and my dreams!  What is it in our world, in our society, that tells us that we cannot acheive these dreams?  What is that force that tells us that we aren’t good enough, young enough, attractive enough, etc?

And then we see someone who can put a mirror up to our own self-doubt - our own memories of bullying, criticism, and those who cut us down over the years - and she hits the home run for all of us.

What a moment!

Thank you, Susan Boyle!

I took an “extended weekend” trip to visit friends in the Twin Cities and in Northfield, MN this week, and as it’s winding down, I’ve been having a wonderful time. Reuniting with my friends, Rose Ann and Gene has been wonderful. Since moving to Duluth in September, I’d not come back to really spend any significant “visiting time” really. I’d just passed through.

I went to the monthly Dream Group, and had a wonderful time just listening to others nighttime dreams, and got some wonderful insights to a dream I had some months ago (I’ll have to share my drawing and reflection sometime!). I also got a chance to revisit the Northfield Buddhist Meditation Center, and I “got through” a half-hour sitting meditation (I’m out of practice). I got to see some old faces at Just Food Co-op, have some hangout time at Goodbye Blue Monday, and just catch up with dear friends.

I also learned that The Village is going strong, meeting on Wednesdays, and that The Center for Sustainable Living is now embarking on a “Transition Towns” initiative. Lots of good things!

All in all, a wonderful visit!

Recently, two other friends and I have started a venture we call “Hats for Honduras” - http://www.hatsforhonduras.org/ I want to give special props to Tiger Technologies for donating the hosting for our website. They are the best hosting company, hands down, that I’ve ever worked with, and I’m so thrilled that they were touched by this project as well.

Hats for Honduras is a venture in keeping a friendship alive, and for hopefully sparking new ones. Over the past year-and-a-half, the Loaves and Fishes Community, which I volunteer with, hosted a man named Henry, from Honduras. After a long recovery from a near-death auto accident, he finally returned home last month.

Henry became part of our family, and we’ve been invited to visit any time. Hats for Honduras is our fundraising project to fly 3-4 of us to Tegucigalpa, Honduras by 2010 to visit Henry in his native land. We’re looking for donations, of yarn, looms, knitted hats, and money. We’ll send a hand-made knitted hat to anyone who donates. Henry adored the knitted hat made for him by our friend Kristina, and took it with him everywhere - even to West Palm Beach, before boarding a flight from Miami to Honduras.

Our loftiest goals are also to start a friendship exchange program between Duluth, MN and Henry’s community between Tegucigalpa and Juticalpa.

Knitting has been easier on the circular looms for this newbie, but I’m learning a lot, and having fun. I have now made 8 hats!

Read all about our adventures in knitting at the Hats for Honduras Web Site.

I don’t normally put links to movies on my blog, but this one needs a special mention. Throughout this whole movie, I was moved to tears. Prayers for Bobby is a very honest portrayal of a family and a mother dealing with the news of their son being gay.

Coming out is a journey for a family. Sometimes it’s a real struggle, and nobody’s perfect, and there are never easy answers. Acceptance doesn’t always come quickly. In my own wonderfully loving and beautifully imperfect family, our journey has never been easy, but we’ve always loved each other - that I have never doubted. It took some time, but now they ask me about Michael, my partner, and I was touched to see them put his picture right next to mine in their home.

This movie shows so vividly, the worst fears of any gay son to feel deeply that they are not loved, and the deepest fears of any parent who would have to suffer a death of their son to suicide. It also shows how religion can be used as a tool to divide us, to sever families, and to make people to feel deep deep shame.

How can God shame one of his own? How can God not love one of his own?

I forgave my mother years ago for saying some of the same things Sigourney Weaver says to her son in this movie. I forgave myself for feeling like I put my parents through this tough journey years ago. And though in many ways we’re all still on this journey, I love them with all my heart, and I grew to accepting myself, and feeling the gifts that come with loving another person, and finding true joy.

So, I encourage everyone to watch. Have kleenex ready.

I’ve not posted in a while. My bad.

But, I thought I’d share some success that happened this past October! After moving to Duluth, MN, I realized that I needed to apply for a city license to practice massage therapy. The City of Duluth has a requirement of 500 hours of massage and bodywork related education, as well as a criminal background check, in order to obtain this license.

The background check was easy, but the 500 hour requirement was a bit of a challenge. Since the State of Minnesota does not license massage therapists, I have been practicing for the last nine years without having to worry about these things. I practice under the Minnesota Unlicensed Complimentary and Alternative Medicine Law, which gives provides freedom of access to choose one’s own practitioner, as well as gives the right of any traditional healer to practice his or her trade within as state regulation. However, cities and other local government agencies are free to license massage therapists as they choose.

I have never “graduated” from a massage therapy program of 500 hours or more. However, I have taken many courses in massage therapy and related business, communication, ethics, and holistic healing methods from massage schools, workshops, and other independent study.

So, I gathered all of my transcripts from the two massage therapy schools I attended, as well as other training certificates, continuing education courses, transcripts from self-designed classes while in graduate school, and information about the conversion of semester hours to in-class “clock” hours from a national certifying group for massage, and made the case for myself that I had obtained the equivalent of 545 hours of massage, bodywork, and related education and training.

And within 3-4 weeks my license came in the mail!!

I believe that this is a huge success, and an example of the legitimacy of Portfolios of Learning as EQUAL to degrees and certifications. You can read my portfolio request for massage therapy licensure here (PDF), or click the PDF document image above.