A River Between

What an amazing journey it’s been since moving.

I realize now that it has been four months since posting.  I assure you all, that many many great things have begun to unfold since my last posting.  It feels like life is being rebuilt for me.  Many things falling away, and new opportunities coming in.  I know that a summary of things won’t touch on the details of the past four months, but here goes what’s been happening:

• I’m letting go of a lot of pain, hurt, and anger from our prior living situation, and I’m learning that people only hold power over you emotionally when you give your power over to them.  I’m thankful for the experience of living with Loaves and Fishes - and I’m equally thankful that we chose to leave.
• In February, it will be ONE YEAR of being CAR-FREE!!  While this has been both a struggle and a joy, I feel like the notion settled within me about two months ago that I was REALLY living it, and that I enjoyed not owning a vehicle!  The holidays were difficult - not having the option to drive long distances to see family.  But, I feel more strong - more authentic, and more FREE without owning a car, and I feel within my heart that my family understands this.. maybe a little.
• I learned that in my work, I need autonomy and individuality.  I need to honor my own process and hold my own focus more and more as I continue to be self-employed (it will be FOUR YEARS in February!).
• I’m now involved in a community theatre show at the Duluth Playhouse, and am in rehearsal for The Secret Garden.  I play Captain Albert Lennox, the main character’s father.  I die of cholera in India early in the show, then come back in the company of “ghosts” and “dreamers” to sing and portray Mary Lennox’s unconscious hopes, joys, and fears.  It’s a beautiful show.  The last time I had a role in a community theatre production was 18 years ago!
• My web business has taken off!  I’m finding myself incredibly busy now - still even without advertising, as my referrals keep coming in.  I’m finding myself growing as an artist and web developer.
• I have taught 3 Reiki classes, and one of them filled almost completely.  Much of this success propelled me into creating a new site called NorthernDruid.net - However, with the show and my workload increasing, I’m putting development for this site on hold for a tiny bit of time.

Four months can bring a lot of changes!  It’s brought hope and joy back to my life!

What have you learned in the last four months??

Michael and I are moving next week into a new place here in Duluth.  We found a really great-cozy-2-bedroom apartment on the west side of Duluth, nearer to his job (a 5-minute walk!).  If you would have asked us a few months ago, we never would have expected to move this soon, but a lot has happened this past year, and this place just “showed up” one day, and we seemed destined to move in!

Our stint as volunteers with the Catholic Worker community here came to an end about a month ago, due to a lot of interpersonal conflicts, as well as the standard burn-out, over-extending, and often times feeling overwhelmed, used, abused, etc.  I think that a lot of times, when people dedicate their lives to serving others they can forget to feed their own needs or the needs of the community around them.  I’m not sure that everyone can sustain the lifestyle of hospitality for a long period of time without feeling a little “banged-up” or bruised.  I’m hoping that after some time has passed that I won’t still feel that way, and I can embrace all the joys of this time, without dwelling for a single moment on any of the strife.

But… the next chapters of our lives await now, and we’re feeling both excited and blessed.  I’m embarking on some wonderful new directions in my web business, as well as in my healing offerings.  It really just feels like a time to “dig deeper” for me, and begin using all of my talents and experience more freely, broadly, and creatively.  I’ll certainly have less distractions now, or at least different ones.

Many thanks to everyone who has wished us well in this new phase of our lives!  Peace to you all!

-Scott

I was sitting in Amazing Grace Coffeehouse in Duluth last week, when my friend Áine emailed a link to me of a British singer.  Susan Boyle was an auditioner on the television show, Britain’s Got Talent.  She’s 47, unemployed, never married, and lives with her cat, Pebbles.

Everyone was cynical, and seemingly against her when she claimed that she wanted to be as successful as Elaine Page.  But then she began to sing - and as she wowed the audience to their feet, it was all I could do to hold back my own tears just watching her.  This beautiful woman, who against all odds, showed the world that you must never judge a book by it’s cover, and that we should all be so bold as to go after our dreams - no matter how young or old we are.

Her Youtube video(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY) has reached near 40,000,000 views as of my writing this, and I’m sure these numbers will continue to rise.  So many people had the same reaction I did.  This very common woman shook our foundations and shattered the walls of loss, loneliness, and isolation that are felt by all of us at some point in our lives - and some of us, even nearly all our lives.

What a gift to hear her sing this song, and to share her presence - her very authentic presence.

I think of people I know who have dreams - oh heck, even me and my dreams!  What is it in our world, in our society, that tells us that we cannot acheive these dreams?  What is that force that tells us that we aren’t good enough, young enough, attractive enough, etc?

And then we see someone who can put a mirror up to our own self-doubt - our own memories of bullying, criticism, and those who cut us down over the years - and she hits the home run for all of us.

What a moment!

Thank you, Susan Boyle!

I don’t normally put links to movies on my blog, but this one needs a special mention. Throughout this whole movie, I was moved to tears. Prayers for Bobby is a very honest portrayal of a family and a mother dealing with the news of their son being gay.

Coming out is a journey for a family. Sometimes it’s a real struggle, and nobody’s perfect, and there are never easy answers. Acceptance doesn’t always come quickly. In my own wonderfully loving and beautifully imperfect family, our journey has never been easy, but we’ve always loved each other - that I have never doubted. It took some time, but now they ask me about Michael, my partner, and I was touched to see them put his picture right next to mine in their home.

This movie shows so vividly, the worst fears of any gay son to feel deeply that they are not loved, and the deepest fears of any parent who would have to suffer a death of their son to suicide. It also shows how religion can be used as a tool to divide us, to sever families, and to make people to feel deep deep shame.

How can God shame one of his own? How can God not love one of his own?

I forgave my mother years ago for saying some of the same things Sigourney Weaver says to her son in this movie. I forgave myself for feeling like I put my parents through this tough journey years ago. And though in many ways we’re all still on this journey, I love them with all my heart, and I grew to accepting myself, and feeling the gifts that come with loving another person, and finding true joy.

So, I encourage everyone to watch. Have kleenex ready.

I took the time to upload quite a bit of information, photos, art, and reflections from my learning over the past three years. As I want this site to be my living and breathing portfolio of learning, I thought it would be appropriate to categorize these learning journeys in my own way.

I had originally wanted this site to become one for highlighting all of my academic work, but I have since rethought this notion. Because of many frustrations as my association with my university comes to a close, I am reclaiming my learning as I define it. I’ve taken out references to the school I’ve attended and the degree program, so that I can approach learning as an invitation for ALL PEOPLE. My “degree” has become worth less and less to me lately, and my learning remains as the joyous experience that it always has been.

I’ve said this before … As I deepen my notions of “unschooling my life” I understand more and more how degrees and certifications only serve to divide people and to feed into a system that creates this division. If I want portfolios of learning to become more important, I must first develop my own portfolio, and share what I feel could inspire others to undertake their own learning journeys.

I think that I’m developing a new vocabulary for learning as well. Words like “teaching” and “classes” have become “learning exchanges” and “learning journeys.” The word “student” has become “learner” for me now. Stripping away the divisions and hierarchy created by the current “academic” world could prove to be a daunting goal, but I have to say… I’m doing this already when it comes to my own life and learning.

Will you join me?

Enjoy my portfolio of learning! I’d love to hear about yours!

That’s the “grade” I have right now for my last five credits of graduate school. Incomplete.

My journey into this unknown land was intentional. It’s been a very ironic and joyous adventure lately as I learn more about Unschooling, and find beautiful examples of communities that have formed because people “walked out” of traditional academic settings and “walked on” to a more self-directed life. At the very time in my learning journey that I feel so liberated to learn without boundaries, I am receiving many messages from academia, as if a monster wanting to sew me up into a cute package. I can be boxed up - the letters M.A. tattooed to my exterior - a graduation statistic and success story to lure the next eager and awaiting “victim” into its jaws.

I’ve been reading intently a great publication called “Healing Ourselves from the Diploma Disease(PDF).” This is a collaborative work of essays, letters, and writings from Shikshantar: The People’s Institute for Rethinking Education and Development, in Udaipur, India. The book is full of compelling stories and testimonials attesting to the inequalities and injustices that are perpetuated by the culture of schooling. Credentialism, Meritocracy, Specialization, and Degrees have been created to divide people from one another.

Continue Reading »